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The Guru

The Day-Glo delights of India's Bollywood musicals collide with the crossed-love conventions of Hollywood romantic comedies in The Guru. Jimi Mistry, a young Indian named Ramu who wants to live the American dream and become famous, moves to New York and finds only menial work in restaurants. But when he mistakenly gets cast in a skin flick, he meets a sweet and thoughtful porn star (Heather Graham) whose philosophical mix of sex and spirituality come in handy when Ramu has to pretend to be a swami for an upper-crust birthday party. The birthday girl (Marisa Tomei) seizes upon Ramu's cribbed aphorisms and leads Ramu into a career as a sex guru. The Guru's uneven script squanders much of its comic potential, but the stars have charm to burn--and when the movie launches into its glorious musical numbers, it enters a realm of delirious glee. --Bret Fetzer

40 Days and 40 Nights

After being brutally dumped by his knockout ex-girlfriend, Matt (Josh Hartnett, Pearl Harbor) is so torn up inside that he vows to give up sexual activity--including masturbation--for Lent. His friends and coworkers start betting on how soon he'll crack. Their skepticism is given fuel when Matt meets Erica (Shannyn Sossamon, A Knight's Tale) at a laundromat. They're immediately smitten with each other, but Matt struggles to stay true to his vow, even though it threatens to founder his potential relationship with Erica. Based on this description, you might think that 40 Days and 40 Nights is religious educational video--however, the barrage of sex gags and frequent nudity would quickly dispel this notion. Almost nothing in this movie remotely resembles human behaviour. Some movies are so deeply stupid that they're depressing to watch; this is one of them. --Bret Fetzer